Talking About Sexual Harassment

Talking to our children about sexual harassment can be difficult. What is it? When do jokes, teasing and flirting become sexual harassment? It is important for our children to know the difference so they can make good decisions.

 Respect and equality:

• Talk about the concepts of respect and equality.

Respect is treating others the way you would like to be treated. Equality is treating everybody with the same respect. No one likes being treated with disrespect. Talk about how your children could show respect and equality to others.
What is sexual harassment?

• Talk about what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment is a behavior of a sexual nature that is unwanted or unwelcome.  Sexual harassment generally falls into the following categories: Physical Contact, Sexual Comments, Telephone Calls/Notes/Letters/Emails or even Sexual Advances or Propositions. It’s important for kids to know that sexual harassment is against the law and against school rules.

Discuss examples of sexual harassment. These include:

• Let your child know that sexual harassment is never ok. That means it is not ok for anyone to harass anyone else: teachers to sexually harass students, students to sexually harass teachers, boys to sexually harass girls, girls to sexually harass boys, boys to sexually harass boys and girls to sexually harass girls.
• Power over others is usually the motivation for sexual harassment. Talk to your child about ways of using power that can be hurtful to others. Help your child identify respectful ways to feel powerful. (Maybe there is something he or she is already doing that gives them this feeling.)

Flirting vs. Sexual Harassment:

• Talk about the difference between sexual harassment and flirting. Flirting is attention that is wanted, feels good, is a compliment and is enjoyed by both people. Sexual harassment is attention that is unwanted, feels bad, is a put-down, and is not enjoyed by the person receiving the attention.
• Let your child know that if they flirt with someone and that person doesn’t flirt back that they have to stop. Feeling disappointed, hurt or embarrassed is normal. Everyone wants the people that they like to like him or her. Help your child think of ways to handle their hurt feelings that would not involve making the other person feel bad. Sometimes that’s the way sexual harassment starts.
• Explain that the person who receives the attention always gets to decide how that feels. If any actions or words makes him or her feel uncomfortable or bad and is gender based (sexual in nature or makes them feel bad about being a boy or a girl), it is sexual harassment.

What can you do? Talk to your child about what he or she can do if sexual harassment happens to them or someone else:

1. Ignore it. This may be enough to let the person know that you don’t want the attention to continue.
2. Try to tell the person who is harassing them to stop. Sometimes it is enough to let someone know you didn’t like what he or she did or said, especially if it wasn’t intended to be hurtful. If the harassment is not directed at your child, but your child witnesses the harassment, let he or she know that it is ok to speak up and let the harasser know that harassing behavior is never ok.
3. Tell a trusted adult. Help your child identify adults at school he or she could talk to if this happened to them. 
4. Consult your student handbook sexual harassment policy.
5. Contact the Schools Superintendent’s office.

If your child is the person who is doing the harassing behavior let them know that this is not ok. If the behavior continues, get your child professional help. For referrals, contact REACH or your school counselor.